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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Cr3at1ve's LiveJournal:

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    Monday, August 16th, 2004
    7:43 pm
    what might have been
    sure i think about you now and then
    but it's been a long long time
    i've got a good life now
    and i've moved on
    so when you cross my mind
    i try not to think about
    what might have been
    cuz that was then
    and we have taken different roads
    we can't go back again
    there's no use giving in
    and there's no way to know
    what might have been
    we could sit and talk about this all night long
    and wonder why we didn't last
    yes, they might be the best days we will ever know
    but we'll have to leave them in the past
    so try not to think about
    what might have been
    cuz that was then
    and we have taken different roads
    we can't go back again
    there's no use giving in
    and there's no way to know
    what might have been
    that same old look in your eyes
    it's a beautiful night
    i'm so tempted to stay
    but too much time has gone by
    we should just say goodbye
    and turn and walk away
    and try to think about
    what might have been
    cuz that was then
    and we have taken different roads
    we can't go back again
    there's no use giving in
    there's no way to know
    what might have been
    no we'll never know
    what might have been
    Friday, August 13th, 2004
    10:44 pm
    my best friend
    i never had no one
    that i could count on
    been let down so many times
    i was tired of hurtin
    so tired of searchin
    til u walked into my life
    it was a feelin
    i'd never known
    and for the first time
    i didnt feel alone
    you're more than a lover
    there could never be another
    to make me feel the way you do
    oh, we just get closer
    i fall in love all over
    everytime i look at you
    i don't know where i'd be
    without you here with me
    life with you makes perfect sense
    you're my best friend
    you stand by me
    and you believe in me
    like nobody ever has
    when my world goes crazy
    you're right there to save me
    you make me see how much i have
    i still tremble
    when we touch
    and oh the look in your eyes
    when we make love
    you're more than a lover
    there could never be another
    to make me feel the way you do
    oh we just get closer
    i fall in love all over
    everytime i look at you
    i don't know where i'd be
    without you here with me
    life with you makes perfect sense
    you're my best friend
    Thursday, July 29th, 2004
    10:07 pm
    mercy
    well i have lived ten years plus ten
    and ten and ten again
    i have seen too much to pretend
    then you wanted to come in
    i have survived all of the lies
    they made me wise
    the locks and walls and the peace it buys
    still when i look into your eyes
    it's a surprise when you say
    it's gonna be alright
    it's gonna be okay
    just hold on tight
    let it all go away
    oh mercy, mercy baby
    what do you want from me
    well i plead mercy mercy baby
    i do not know what this all means
    it's been a while since i've been stylin
    in just my jacket and my jeans
    it hurts to walk, it hurts to talk
    it hurts to think about it
    shout about it
    could i be sure without a doubt
    that you could never live without me
    i want to fall in you, crawl in you
    surrender all in you now
    could i be sure in you, pure in you
    finding the cure in you
    now i plead have mercy on me
    now i am kneeling at the alter
    in the temple of your eyes
    and i am asking for a miracle
    i have been too long paralyzed
    when you say get up and stand up
    and climb the rope of hope
    and open up again
    oh the peace you say is promised me
    seems too much to comprehend
    it's gonna be alright
    it's gonna be okay
    just hold on tight
    and let it all go away
    Monday, July 19th, 2004
    10:06 pm
    you'll think of me
    woke early this morning around 4 am
    with the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
    i pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
    but thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
    ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
    i've been trying my best to get along
    but that's okay, there's nothing left to say but
    take your records, take your freedom
    take your memories, i don't need em
    take your space and take your reasons
    but you'll think of me
    take your cat and leave my sweater
    cuz we have nothing left to weather
    in fact i feel a whole lot better
    but you'll think of me
    i went out driving trying to clear my head
    i tried to sweep out all the rooms that my emotions left
    i guess i'm feeling just a little tired of this
    and oh the baggage that seems to still exist
    it seems the only blessing i have left to my name
    is not knowing what we could have been, what we should have been
    so take your records, take your freedom
    take your memories, i don't need em
    take your space and take your reasons
    but you'll think of me
    take your cat and leave my sweater
    cuz we have nothing left to weather
    in fact i feel a whole lot better
    but you'll think of me
    someday, i'm gonna run across your mind
    but don't worry i'll be fine
    while you're sleeping with your pride
    wishing i could hold you tight
    i'll be over you and on with my life
    so take your records, take your freedom
    take your memories, i don't need em
    take your space and take your reasons
    but you'll think of me
    take your cat and leave my sweater
    cuz we have nothing left to weather
    in fact i feel a whole lot better
    but you'll think of me
    Sunday, June 6th, 2004
    10:21 pm
    To really love a woman
    to understand her
    you gotta know her deep inside
    hear every thought
    see every dream
    and give her wings when she wants to fly
    then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms
    you know you really love a woman
    when you love a woman
    you tell her that she's really wanted
    when you love a woman
    you tell her that she's the one
    'cause she needs somebody
    to tell her that's it's gonna last forever
    so tell me have you really, really really ever loved a woman?
    To really love a woman
    let her hold you
    'til you know how she needs to be touched
    you've gotta breathe her
    really taste her
    'til you can feel her in your blood
    and when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
    you know you really love a woman
    Friday, April 30th, 2004
    6:15 pm
    Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
    You been out ridin' fences for so long now
    Oh, you're a hard one
    I know that you got your reasons
    These things that are pleasin' you
    Can hurt you somehow

    Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
    She'll beat you if she's able
    You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet

    Now it seems to me, some fine things
    Have been laid upon your table
    But you only want the ones that you can't get

    Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
    Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home
    And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin'
    Your prison is walking through this world all alone

    Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
    The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
    It's hard to tell the night time from the day
    You're loosin' all your highs and lows
    Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?

    Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
    Come down from your fences, open the gate
    It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
    You better let somebody love you, before it's too late
    Wednesday, April 28th, 2004
    3:57 pm
    come stop you're crying, it will be alright
    just take my hand, hold it tight
    i will protect you from all around you
    i will be here, don't you cry
    for one so small, you seem so strong
    my arms will hold you, keep you safe and strong
    this bond between us can't be broken
    i will be here, don't you cry
    cuz you'll be in my heart
    from this day on
    now and forever more
    you'll be in my heart
    no matter what they say
    you'll be here in my heart always
    why can't they understand the way we feel
    they just don't trust what they can't explain
    i know we're different, but deep inside us
    we're not that different at all
    and you'll be in my heart
    from this day on
    now and forever more
    don't listen to them, cuz what do they know
    we need each other to have, to hold
    they'll see in time, i know
    when destiny calls you, you must be strong
    i may not be with you, but you got to hold on
    they'll see in time, i know
    we'll show them together
    cuz you'll be in my heart
    believe me you'll be in my heart
    i'll be there from this day on
    now and forever more
    you'll be in my heart
    no matter what they say
    you'll be here in my heart always
    Friday, April 9th, 2004
    9:14 am
    meet me in the dark
    keep your eyes down
    keep your head lowered
    keep to yourself dear
    do not tell a soul
    you know it's wrong
    what they've been saying
    and you knew all along
    that i would have to go
    find a place where light
    shines on my reflection
    a place where i
    can stand up on my own
    not down on my knees
    until then please
    meet me in the dark
    meet me in the shadows
    past the old graveyard
    down Eisenhower Road
    meet me where the storms
    blow out on their own dear
    meet me in the dark
    never let me go
    i know everyone
    has their unspoken fear
    it eats away their senses
    and their humanity
    they carry all their secrets
    every night down to the river
    and they try so hard to drown them
    they won't do that to me
    cause i'm working hard
    saving all my money
    and the tips in this jar
    will buy a brand new set of wings
    for my mercury
    until then please
    meet me in the dark
    meet me in the shadows
    past the old graveyard
    down Eisenhower Road
    meet me where the storms
    blow out on their own dear
    meet me in the dark
    never let me go
    i could never hide
    this little light of mine
    if God made a mistake
    then i should die before i wake
    maybe it's my fate
    to swim against this tide
    swallowing my pride
    keep your eyes down
    say that you don't know me
    for i could not survive
    if they took you away
    meet me in the dark
    meet me in the shadows
    past the old graveyard
    down Eisenhower Road
    meet me where the storms
    blow out on their own dear
    meet me in the dark
    never let me go

    Current Mood: scared
    Thursday, April 8th, 2004
    7:40 pm
    prima donna do you wanna
    let us all in on your drama
    tell us what would make you happy
    little princess super star
    you're the fairest one by far
    yes, we all think you're so pretty
    so cry baby a little
    cry baby
    come on and cry baby
    perfectly you play the martyr
    tell us again how your life's hard
    make us feel so very sorry
    everyone is watching you
    just the way you taught them to
    doesn't mean you're not so lonely
    so cry baby a little
    cry baby
    come on and cry baby
    well, i guess you made me sad
    cuz i know that's all you have
    but i guess it makes you happy
    so i cry baby a little
    cry baby
    come on and cry baby
    just cry

    Current Mood: cynical
    Tuesday, April 6th, 2004
    7:48 pm
    ex-factor
    it could all be so simple
    but you'd rather make it hard
    loving you is like a battle
    and we both end up with scars
    tell me who i have to be
    to gain some reciprocity
    see no one loves you more than me
    and no one ever will
    is this just a silly game
    that forces you to act this way
    forces you to scream my name
    then pretend that you can't stay
    tell me who i have to be
    to gain some reciprocity
    see no one loves you more than me
    and no one ever will
    no matter how i think we grow
    you always seem to let me know
    it ain't working
    and when i try to walk away
    you hurt yourself to make me stay
    this is crazy
    i keep letting you back in
    how can i explain myself
    as painful as this thing has been
    i just can't be with no one else
    see i know what we've got to do
    you let go, and i'll let go too
    cuz no one's hurt me more than you
    and no one ever will
    no matter how i think we grow
    you always seem to let me know
    it ain't working
    and when i try to walk away
    you hurt yourself to make me stay
    this is crazy
    Sunday, March 28th, 2004
    5:24 pm
    anyway
    i'm a little bit pretty
    but i'm pretty smart
    and i see thru
    your beguiling heart
    well, i don't want your love anyway
    so you still have me
    under your skin
    but there's a vacancy
    that i don't fit in
    well, i don't want to anyway
    now you're gone
    so i don't want you
    and i don't need you
    and i don't taste you
    and i don't pray for you
    and i don't ache for you
    and i don't crave for you
    cuz i won't waste for you
    anyway
    yeah, i was still breathing
    in between my thighs
    and i was still breathing
    in between your lies
    well, i don't want you anyway
    yeah, i'm well aware
    of everything you didn't say
    yeah, i'm well aware
    that you never felt the same
    well, i don't want you to anyway
    now you're gone
    well, i don't want you
    and i don't need you
    and i don't taste you
    and i don't pray for you
    and i don't ache for you
    and i don't crave for you
    cuz i won't waste for you
    anyway
    i know you well enough
    to know you don't know me
    cuz you never wanted me
    just the girl you thought that i should be
    well, i don't want you to anyway
    now you're gone
    well, i don't want you
    and i don't need you
    and i don't taste you
    and i don't pray for you
    and i don't ache for you
    and i don't crave for you
    cuz i won't waste for you
    anyway
    Wednesday, March 24th, 2004
    7:18 pm
    the reason
    i'm not a perfect person
    there's many things i wish i didn't do
    but i continue learning
    i never meant to do those things to you
    and so i have to say before i go
    that i just want you to know
    i've found a reason for me
    to change who i used to be
    a reason to start over new
    and the reason is you
    i'm sorry that i hurt you
    it's something i must live with everyday
    i know the pain i put you thru
    i wish that i could take it all away
    and be the one who catches all your tears
    that's why i need you to hear
    i found a reason for me
    to change who i used to be
    a reason to start over new
    and the reason is you
    i'm not a perfect person
    i never meant to do those things to you
    and so i have to say before i go
    that i just want you to know
    i found a reason for me
    to change who i used to be
    a reason to start over new
    and the reason is you
    i found a reason to show
    a side of me you didn't know
    a reason for all that i do
    and the reason is you

    I love you Babe. No matter where the future takes us, I know that I'll forever be a better person because of you.
    Friday, March 19th, 2004
    9:44 pm
    heaven bend to take my hand
    and lead me through this fire
    be the long awaited answer
    to a long and painful fight
    truth be told i tried my best
    but somewhere along the way
    i got caught up in all there was to offer
    and the cost was so much more than i could bear
    though i've tried i've fallen
    i have sunk so low
    i messed up
    better i should know
    so don't come round here
    and tell me i told you so
    we all begin with good intent
    when love is raw and young
    we believe that we can change ourselves
    the past can be undone
    but we carry on our back the burden time always reveals
    in the lonely light of morning
    in the wound that would not heal
    it's the bitter taste of losing everything
    that i hold so dear
    though i've tried i've fallen
    i have sunk so low
    i messed up
    better i should know
    so don't come round here
    and tell me i told you so
    heaven bend to take my hand
    i've nowhere left to turn
    i'm lost to those i thought were friends
    to everyone i know
    they turn their heads embarrassed
    pretend that they don't see
    that's it's one mis-step, one slip before you know it
    and there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
    though i've tried i've fallen
    i have sunk so low
    i messed up
    better i should know
    so don't come round here
    and tell me i told you so
    Thursday, March 18th, 2004
    5:54 pm
    oh look at how she listens
    she says nothing of what she thinks
    she just goes stumbling through her memories
    staring out onto Grey Street
    she thinks, hey, how did i come to this?
    I dream myself a thousand times around the world
    but i can't get out of this place
    there's an emptiness inside her
    and she'd do anything to fill it in
    but all the colors mix together to grey
    and it breaks her heart
    how she wishes it was different
    she prays to God most every night
    and though she swears he doesn't listen
    there's still a hope in her he might
    she says "i pray, but they fall on deaf ears
    am i supposed to take it on myself?
    to get out of this place"
    there's a loneliness inside her
    and she'd do anything to fill it in
    and though it's red blood bleeding from her now
    it feels like cold blue ice in her heart
    when all the colors mix together to grey
    and it breaks her heart
    there's a stranger speaks outside her door
    says take what you can from your dreams
    make them as real as anything
    it'd take the work out of the courage
    but she says, "please
    there's a crazy man that's creeping outside my door,
    i live on the corner of Grey Street
    and the end of the world"
    there's an emptiness inside her
    and she'd do anything to fill it in
    and though it's red blood bleeding from her now
    it's more like cold blue ice in her heart
    she feels like kicking out all the windows
    and setting fire to this life
    she could change everything about her
    using colors bold and bright
    but all the colors mix together to grey
    and it breaks her heart
    Tuesday, March 16th, 2004
    9:13 pm
    The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this message to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just ignore it.
    Wednesday, March 10th, 2004
    7:47 pm
    the river and the highway
    she follows the path of least resistance
    she doesn't care to see the mountain top
    she twists and turns with no regard to distance
    she never comes to a stop
    and she rolls, she's a river
    where she goes, time will tell
    heaven knows, he can't go with her
    and she rolls all by herself
    he's headed for a single destination
    he doesn't care what's standing in his path
    he's a line between two points of separation
    he ends just where it says to on the map
    and he rolls, he's a highway
    where he goes, time will tell
    heaven knows, she can't go with him
    and he rolls all by himself
    and every now and then, he offers her a shoulder
    and every now and then, she overflows
    and every now and then, a bridge crosses over
    it's a moment that every lover knows
    and she rolls, she's a river
    where she goes, time will tell
    heaven knows, he can't go with her
    and she rolls all by herself
    and he rolls all by himself
    fare thee well
    Sunday, March 7th, 2004
    6:10 pm
    What the hell happened to my life? How the hell did I end up here? I know this certainly isn't the way that I planned my life to be. It seems like everything that used to matter so much to me just doesn't matter anymore, and I don't even know if that bothers me or not. And it seems like everything that does matter to me just keeps slipping through my hands. The more I try to cling to it, the further away it seems to get. I'm starting to feel like I'm never going to get things right. For some reason, all the good things in my life seem to be ending. My life is becoming increasingly cluttered with mistakes, regrets, disappointments, heart ache, and failure. I wish I could get just one thing right. Every minute I'm between breaking down into tears and an overwhelming desire to break something. All I want to do is run to that one person who always seems to make things better and always makes me feel like I'm okay, but I can't and that hurts more than anything else. I could really use a little help right about now.
    Friday, March 5th, 2004
    7:10 pm
    shameless
    i'm shameless
    when it comes to loving you
    i'll do anything you want me to
    i'll do anything at all
    and i'm standing
    yeah, for all the world to see
    baby that's what's left of me
    don't have very far to fall
    you know i'm not someone who's ever been
    insecure about the world i've been living in
    i don't break easy
    i have my pride
    but if you need to be satisfied
    i'm shameless
    hunny i don't have a prayer
    every time i see you standing there
    i go down upon my knees
    and i'm changed
    swore i'd never compromise
    but you convinced me otherwise
    i'll do anything you please
    you see in all my life i've never found
    what i couldn't resist, what i couldn't turn down
    i could walk away from anyone i ever knew
    but i can't walk away from you
    i have never let anything have this much control over me
    i worked to hard to call my life my own
    and i made myself a world and it's worked so perfectly
    but it's your world now, i can't refuse
    i've never had so much to lose
    i'm shameless
    you know it should be easy for someone who's strong
    to say she's sorry or admit when she's wrong
    i never lost anything i ever missed
    but i've never been in love like this
    it's out of my hands
    i'm shameless
    i don't have the power now
    i don't want it anyhow
    so i gotta let it go
    i'm shameless
    Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004
    10:32 pm
    why do i bother?
    they asked me why i'm involved with you and i gave my usual wise ass comment - "i ask myself that all the time?" but that was a lie. i know exactly why i'm with you. it's because of the way my heart jumps when you look at me. it's the way your eyes light up when you smile. it's the way you make me laugh when you try to sing a song i hate and how i find myself singing along to that song when you're not around. it's the excitement i see on your face when you see me as though we haven't seen each other in years. it's the crazy things you say that don't make any sense but have such amusing underlying meaning. it's the way we fight over stupid little things and at the end of it have no idea why we were fighting, but we're in each other's arms again and that's all that matters. it's how we can do absolutely nothing and yet it's the most fun i've had. it's the little nick-names you give me that i pretend to hate. it's how you open my eyes to new ways of seeing the world. it's everything you are and everything you believe in. but mostly, it's the way you love me back.
    8:00 pm
    commitment
    what i'm looking for
    is a love that's forever
    someone who can capture my soul in a heartbeat
    and stay for all time
    what i'm praying for
    is a match made in heaven
    someone who will worship my body
    and still put his heart on the line
    commitment
    someone who'll go the distance
    i need somebody who'll stand power
    but who'll make go weak in the knees
    commitment
    and everything that goes with it
    i need honor and love in my life
    from somebody who's playing for keeps
    what i'm searching for
    is a man who'll stand by me
    who will walk thru the fire
    and be my flame in the night
    and i won't settle for
    less than what i deserve
    a friend and a lover who'll love me
    for the rest of my life
    commitment
    someone who'll go the distance
    i need somebody who'll stand power
    but who'll make go weak in the knees
    commitment
    and everything that goes with it
    i need honor and love in my life
    from somebody who's playing for keeps
    i've had promises broken
    three words left unspoken
    they just left me aching for more
    but i'll fight temptation
    i won't be impatient
    there's one thing that's worth waiting for
    commitment
    someone who'll go the distance
    i need somebody who'll stand power
    but who'll make go weak in the knees
    commitment
    and everything that goes with it
    i need honor and love in my life
    from somebody who's playing for keeps
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